Ada satu sms masuk tengahari ni...
Tertulis kata2 maaf...tertulis kata2 sayang..
Mengapa tidak dulu diucapkan....ketika ada dugaan dalam hubungan kita
di saat ada pihak ketiga yang cintai kamu..
katakan sayang ketika itu, aku akan percaya
sekarang sayangmu tiada nilai..maafmu hanya menyakitkan..
walaupun kau tidak pernah aku lupakan.
Semalam ada satu movie kat Astro Prima, tajuknya Sayang Abah..agak sedih la jalan ceritanya walaupun ada sedikit merepek..namun masih berjaya memecahkan tempayan air mata yg menonton ni...Of course, masa detik2 kematian si ayah yang byk berkorban dalam diam...
Selamat Hari Bapa to my dad. Waktu kecil, saya rasa sangat tak disayangi ayah..kadang, saya rasa benci pada ayah. terutamanya di usia remaja waktu ayah banyak bising dengan apa yang saya suka buat. walau ayah tak pernah pukul saya, tapi suara ayah bagaikan racun yang membunuh rasa sayang pada ayah. Sehingga waktu ketika, saya sangat membenci ayah dan tak bertegur sapa dengan ayah.
Waktu saya belum matang.
Untung saya diberi waktu oleh Tuhan. saya tidak mati di saat saya merasakan saya tidak perlukan ayah. masih ada ruang untuk saya membesar dan matang. untung akhirnya saya sedar ayah bukannya jahat. Untung saya mampu mentafsir kebaikan ayah bukan dari pandangan kasar.
Saya harap ayah sentiasa sihat. Happy Fathers Day!
Hanya satu perasaan malam ini...
yang mengikat mata dari terpejam
yang meruntun jiwa ke ruang cinta yang masih kosong
yang masih berharap pada kenangan yang indah
Hanya satu perasaan ketika ini
yang masih merasai kehangatan malam malam bersamamu
yang menanti hari esok ketika kau bakal hadir dan senyum kembali
yang terasa kehilanganmu setiap saat ketika
Hanya perasaan rindu yang indah
padamu yang membawa cintaku ke Benua Biru
rindu teramat..
apakah sama yang kau rasakan..
How i love MLTR when my feeling is mix up...really mix up feeling...I can't feel anything good at the moment..
Its always about the life I've been through. Did I failed, did I screwed it up, or it just i don't know if I've already succeed. Most of the time, I just feel not belonging and alone. Of course, that is something i do not want to voice out. I always love, but rarely get loved.
so many good song to interpret the mix up feeling..I'm a broken heart, again...
I just done with my 3 days tiring course for those who will traveling offshore boarding a helicopter and staying at the platform. Trust me, its very tiring. this is my 2nd time doing this after the certificate expiry
Sea survival course, helicopter underwater escape training, and basic fire fighting. Those required mental and physically fit. Well, as far as i finished the module, i'm now qualified until next four years...what a relief.
many good things I've learned, many behavior of people from different walk of life tobe observe, and of course the man (just kidding)! but the thing that i learn today is about fear..
i really like the quote from one of the instructor...
"in emergency, your fear will fight for your life. do not afraid, live with the fact and do your best to keep alive.do not obsessively scare and panic"
In a way, that is very true. your fear will make your stronger, but you should fight for it. Fear is manageable. Make me remember of my parents, and those who are not blessed with good luck. My parents raised eight us up, without have any financial security at that time. My father doing a gardening while my mother help by small food stall.
Well, I'm not sure if they are scared or not, because they never voice it out. But deep inside I'm sure, they were scared..They scared what if something happen to the garden, something happen to them...how all of us going to survive...We live with limited needs, but blessed from God really make us what we are today. Thank god, we are all grow up, and shade the parent fears.
Well i think everybody got their own fears. To overcome your fears, we have to fight for it. And one day, our fear will fight for our life.
Things happen to us today, what we do, what we've being through, sooner or later, it will become a history of life.
I love history, though it was created by tears and hurt.
It is nice to be remembered, but it is pain to take it as a fact.
I always remember you, when i look at your picture. I remember your laugh, i remember your voice, remember your touch.
I also remember your goodbye. How i miss you.
I think i have history with you. that is why i feel the pain.
I shouldn't think like that.
Then I decide not to make you history. So I don't have to feel the pain.
I still want to have story with you...i still want to smile because of you.
How i wish you would know that...
Running life is easy for certain peoples...I would say it is not for me..
Just like a drug, the first shot make you feel in a good high, the next shot feel even better... you are now in heaven of life...
but as it become a habit, you know you are now dependen t to "something" to continue living. And then came a stage where you think you get it enough, and want to escape from all those dependencies.
The fact that only few will be succeed, i can't deny that. Most of us will continue in the trap, like a slave devoted a life to the master.
Now, my master is gay life..
what if i don't know that I've been in the trap for so long? what if one day i may get lost in this world? what if i cant find the way back? what if I miss my master once he let me go?
I totally have no answer for it.. i believe most of us have our own master. But i did envy those who have normal life...really really envy...
I painted a smile on my face, but nobody understand how it feel to be worried.
I'm in love with you from beginning.....
but i know the feeling won't survive for long...
so i just like you...really like you as a friend..
i hope i can survive by only like you..
then i know, it is not the as i expected..
the feeling also failed to survive..
because you walk away, without say goodbye..
because you no longer response for a hello
because you not turning when i touched your shoulder
so my feeling no longer alive...
they are all dead..
you are not my friend
